April Showers

Standard

Not my most prolific month in terms of lame limericks. The triple whammy of work, drink and ennui got in the way. Mind you, all was not completely lost for I reviewed seven films, two theatre shows, one jazz gig and wrote a lengthy piece on an LGBT attack in Holland which gave rise to the hashtag #allemannenhandinhand for the Edinburgh-based e-zine reviewsphere.

On the poetry front, Theresa May’s snap election and her “strong and stable” leadership against a “coalition of chaos” feature highly. As does her pussy-grabbing friend across the water whose press secretary Sean Spicer is almost more gaffe-prone than Boris The Bumbler. Politics aside, our weird and wonderful fellow Homo sapiens didn’t fail to disappoint for subject matter. Enjoy!

I BELIEVE I CAN FLY (11 APR)
Physician far from delighted
At US airline United
Who dragged him down aisle
In horrific style
So their staff could be quick-flighted.

LIFE’S A GAS (12 APR)
His gaffes are quickly amassing
But claim Hitler did no gassing
By Sean Spicer – strewth!
Is this a post-truth?
Or Republican jack-assing?

SHIT HAPPENS (12 APR)
Having a bad day? Don’t worry.
Spare thought for driver in hurry
Whose convertible
Came to a standstill
When – no shit – car filled with slurry!

LORD OF THE DANCE (14 APR)
Michael Flatley’s new show whose name’s
Appositely “Dangerous Games”
Caused high-kicking brawls
In orchestra stalls
Of Palace. There’s nothing like dames!

THE LADY’S NOT FOR TURNING (19 APR)
Daughter of COE vicar
Whose “now is not the time” schtick, er,
Claim now looks absurd
Has gone back on word
And KB’d debates. Shat brick? Her.

1

THE RAPES OF WRATH (20 APR)
Vicar’s daughter who wants rape-stricken
To prove offender stuck his dick in
In order to claim
Child benefit (shame)
Over TV debates is chicken!

GO FORTH & CONQUER (21 APR)
With Falkirk set to play Fifers
Some fans (obviously lifers
And stappit with mirth)
Will cross the Forth’s firth.
Fab! Like Baker Boys of Pfeiffer’s!

TOSS ILL FUELS (22 APR)
First full day without burning coal
Is move towards achieving goal
Of Greenpeace ambitions
To reduce emissions
And save bears on shrinking North Pole.

MOPHEAD v MUGWUMP (27 APR)
Boris on Corbyn: a mugwump.
This from a mop-headed smug chump
Who on Hillsborough
Pedalled drunken slur.
Eddie Mair was right: a thug. Dump.

RAM A DAN (28 Apr)
Chechan leader Ramzan Kadyrov says
That he plans to “eliminate” gays
By start of Ramadan.
Someone tell this madman:
No one gives a toss who rams Dan (lays).

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